Sunday Signs

Even before Avery was born my husband and I called ourselves The Artist (me) and The Architect (Mike). We have two wooden signs that my brother-in-law made that also reference our nicknames that hang in our foyer. When I stumbled on the movie "Up" soundtrack,  I had no idea how painful listening to one particular song would be.

I promise, I'll keep you safe:

Try hard to concentrate

Hold out your hand

Can you feel the weight of it

The whole world at your fingertips

Don’t be, don’t be afraid

Our mistakes they were bound to be made

But I promise you I’ll keep you safe

You’ll be an architect

So pull up your sleeves

And build a new silhouette

In the skylines up ahead

Don’t be, don’t be afraid

Our mistakes they were bound to be made

But I promise you I’ll keep you safe

I’ll keep you safe

And darkness will be rewritten

Into a work of fiction, you’ll see

As you pull on every ribbon

You’ll find every secret it keeps

The sound of the branches breaking under your feet

The smell of the falling and burning leaves

The bitterness of winter or the sweetness of spring

You are an artist

And your heart is your masterpiece

And I’ll keep it safe

Dismiss the invisible

By giving it shape

Like a clockmaker fixes time

By keeping the gears in line

Don’t be, don’t be afraid

God knows that mistakes will be made

But I promise you I’ll keep you safe

As you build up your collection

Of pearls that you pulled from the deep

A landscape more beautiful

Than anything that I’ve ever seen

The sound of the branches breaking under your feet

The smell of the falling and burning leaves

The bitterness of winter or the sweetness of spring

You are an artist

And your heart is your masterpiece

And I’ll keep it safe

The plot lays out the couple, dreaming of their life, their baby, then losing their child and growing old. I cried, cried heavier than I have in a long time. As I sobbed my husband, came in the room asking gently for me to slide over in bed and held me as I filled the pillow with tears. I cried telling him my job was to keep Avery safe. How did this happen? And why does it all surface and spill out time and time again?

The answer is brief and dreadfully simple. I love my son. 

As I started initially crying , I was in bed alone.  The room had been quiet for and hour or so before I broke down. But in those seconds of me crying there was one thing that happened that changed everything. As the first tears dropped, Averys cardinal began singing outside my window. I know in every bit of my heart that he is here. I may not see my baby but the signs are there. I feel him. And there will never be a doubt that he is here watching over us.