March 10, 2016: The Day My Life Changed
There are moments in this life when your course is altered...changed forever. Some of these events can be good experiences while some not so favorable. I often reflect on my life and think about events from time to time, realizing how each course that I chose directly shaped who I am today. I have made my share of decisions, both good and bad, and despite all of them that weren't as favorable as I would have liked, can appreciate the lessons that they bestowed on me.
If you read my story, you may have noted that my husband and I had put ourselves on a path in August 2015 to begin lifestyle changes. These changes were also a way for me to lose weight and begin the preparations to get pregnant. By January 2016, I was so in tune with my newly found food affairs, that I practiced a 30-day fully raw food cleanse that I was hoping would help us conceive our first baby. Despite home pregnancy tests, my dream of taking our family to the next step went unanswered. On March 10, 2016, that all changed. My course had finally been altered.
Journal Entry 3/13/2016:
"A strange turn of events on *3/10/16* I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive! I am happy, nervous, anxious...and couldn't wait to tell Mike. It felt like forever for him to come home. I followed him around the bedroom, test hidden behind my back, huge grin draped across my face, and when he finally asked what was up I showed him the test. My first doctor's appointment is on 3/21 at 10am to see what they have to say".
Journal Entry 3/21/2016:
Today is my first doctor's appointment. "The Bean" and I will find out how far along I am. I hope everything is ok. I'm nervous but excited!!
I continued to journal those first initial days. From that moment, I was a mother. I was instantly obsessed with anything baby related and set out to my favorite time waster, Pinterest to pin pretty much anything and everything I came across. Why? Because in my mind I was already a Mother and Avery was in my arms.
For me, the dream of the end portion of my pregnancy happened right away, and I could envision my baby in my arms. Before we found out the gender, I even knew in my heart he was a boy. We were bonded...and after scientific research, I know why: A pregnancy souvenir is known to affect Mothers, especially who are carrying sons. They help to aid in immunity properties, protect the heart and even the mind. What a beautiful thought to have to know that Avery is now an angel. His DNA is part of me, and his energy is in my being.
To look back, two years later and still remember every single detail of my excitement is an understatement at truly what I wanted our lives to be like. All this time has gone by, two years... twenty-four months, and all at the blink of an eye. Time seems to pass with ease in large spans of time, but when your grieving the days sometimes can feel neverending. It's strange how time can do that. This delicate dance of stopping and speeding up.
Today, I honor Avery the only ways I know how from a distance. I send my love into the universe, and listen for the calls of his cardinal to sing praises back to me. In these very moments, that is happening and my little love is back home. March 10, 2016, was the day Avery made me who I am at this very moment. A Mother. A healer. An artist. A creator. A nurturer. A person who understands the joys of fleeting motherhood. And the same person that understands the pain of losing the hopes and dreams of someone very special. Today, I share in memories of my boy.