We are Who We Believe We Are

We are who we believe we are. What a beautiful thought. But where is the truth behind that statement? Do you believe that you are the creation of your own mind?

For as long as we have been on this Earth we have all been given this miraculous and powerful tool. It is the power of choice.  What exactly do I mean by that? Well, let me explain. We have the power to choose what we believe and disbelieve, what we like and dislike, what we feel and don’t feel, who we love and don’t love all based on the factor of choice. We tell ourselves our own truths. And sadly, sometimes we lie to ourselves. But that is ok, because we have the power to change that. We have the power to emerge from the bad things we fed ourselves and grow into positive and happier individuals.

I have been looking into myself lately, trying to learn more as I grow into a better self. A happier self. And someone that takes my power of choice and uses it to do great things. Because the fact is, we are who we believe. And I will be the person I see in the future. It is manifest destiny to do so. I believe it, so I can become it. Your visions of the future can do so much as your mind works with the Universe to align your life and brings light back in.

Let me tell you a story.

When I was younger, and a much more carefree girl, I chose to believe people when they told me I was mean. I wasn’t always mean, but I had a mean streak. I told myself I was mean because it was passed down to me from a man that was also the same way. I was choosing to become that because I believed it was true. I would then fight with myself, really fight, when I would do something bad like call someone a name or embarrass someone I told myself to dislike. I would be told “god, you’re such a bitch” by people who said it with a laugh, because they chose to tell themselves my behavior was funny. But it wasn’t. And I know that more now than I ever have. But things got worse. I would have money problems and would make the choice to tell myself horrible things. I’ll never be anything. I am a horrible person. I am getting what I deserve. God is teaching me lessons. This is what I get. I’m nothing. I was wrong. The list goes on and on.

Later, I would drink alcohol to shut myself up. I made the choices to drown out the noise by making myself numb. And in the morning the cycle started again. I was a failure. I messed up. People hate me. I was ugly inside. The list went on and on.

What happens to a person when the choices they make, the things that they tell themselves, the lies they feed into their souls begins to take over? Things get dark. They get lonely. They are depressed. They tear relationships apart. They torture their beings.

But we are who we believe we are, and what we choose to tell ourselves can shift at any time. Sit for a moment and think about the things you tell yourself. Are they actually true? Or are you a product of what you are creating?

When Avery died, the uncertainty of my life was so very dark. And looking back at June 2016, I was in the worst days of my life. There were no things that I was telling myself that wasn’t fixing anything. And, some things I told myself made things very much worse.

It was my fault he died.

I am his Mother and it was my job to protect him, so clearly what happened was a product of my actions. And for a long time I believed it. Why? Because I am very convincing.

I failed.

I failed at making a family with my husband and I failed bringing the first grandchild into this World. And for a long time, I believed it. Why? Because I am very convincing.

I will never have children.

I try, and I try and nothing changes. I struggle with secondary infertility. And I will never have a child in my arms. And for a long time, I believed it. Why? Because...I am very convincing.

Now, this is where the beauty of choice comes in, and where we become who we believe. At some point in my grief I made a cosmic shift. I had spent so many years being my own toxic creation, that I forgot that all it takes is to realize that I had the power to love myself again. And that it was ok to be in control. It is actually better to have control to make my own destiny. And it is working. Why? Because I am still convincing even with the good thoughts I fill myself with.

What you put into your body is very important. Your body is your vessel. And thoughts are no different. Feeding your mind and making the choice to say bad things to yourself is just as damaging as eating fried fatty foods every day. Telling yourself good thoughts is nourishing and has the power to become your reality.

In the self-care/ self-love I have been doing lately, there are times that I actually say to myself in a loud voice STOP. I do this when I start to allow the bad to filter back you. I stop the bad thoughts in their tracks and start repeating a positive mantra in my mind. One day I was very depressed and continued to tell myself that I wasn’t doing enough for Avery’s memory. How could I possibly even try to believe that in almost two years of living so much for my boy? The thought entered, and I yelled STOP. “Stop trying to tell yourself bad things. You are a good Mother and doing so much to make others remember him by.” And then I filled my mind with happier thoughts.

We are who we believe. And it is so important not to continue telling ourselves about wrongs and past events because we only have today, this moment, to make a choice to love ourselves.